I used to be that “yes woman” who couldn’t turn down any favor, request, or invite that came my way. It felt like I had to do it all, be there for everyone, and, honestly, it left me feeling like a stretched-out rubber band about to snap. Can you relate? I will forever struggle with this, although my motivations are different now.
Embracing “no” doesn’t make me selfish or unkind; it makes me human. It opens up a world of possibilities for reclaiming my time and energy.
Setting Boundaries 101:
Step one is understanding that boundaries are your superhero shield against overwhelm. They’re not about shutting people out; they’re about safeguarding your well-being, happiness, and sanity. You have the power to choose how you spend your time and energy. However, it is necessary to understand that boundaries are for us to set around our own behavior – we can not use boundaries to try and change or manipulate someone else. Keep that in the front of your mind!
The real focus is on setting priorities. When you are raising children, they are certainly your priority. But that doesn’t mean you always say yes to their requests (demands!) Everything is a trade off, so when you say yes or no, you have to like your reasons.
Sit down and consider and write out your priorities. Then look at your calendar for the next two weeks – are the things on your calendar matching your priorities? When you have a conflict, do you choose the thing that meets your needs or someone else’s wants? If your calendar isn’t full, are there things you could be doing that will feed your soul by hitting those priorities? Activities like that can give you so much energy!
Saying No with Grace:
Saying “no” can feel awkward and uncomfortable, like putting your shirt on backwards. But trust me, you can say it with grace and kindness without feeling guilty. Practice makes perfect.
Here’s a little secret: You don’t need to offer a ten-page explanation when you decline something. Keep it simple, like saying, “Thank you so much for thinking of me, but I won’t be able to make it.” Boom! Polite and to the point.
And when you say “yes” to something, consider ALL that is involved. If your teen plays sports, it’s not just making sure the game schedule is on your calendar. There is practice to get to, healthy meals to serve, making sure he/she is getting rest, volunteering for fundraisers for the team or league, equipment purchases, etc etc. Often we do not consider the whole picture when we say yes!
Balancing Generosity and Self-Care:
We all say we want balance in our lives. Being generous and caring is beautiful but remember that you also deserve care and kindness—from yourself! It’s not a one-way street. No one else is going to ensure that you are healthy and happy – that’s an inside job.
Think of it as a seesaw (remember those playground days?). When you’re constantly giving without receiving, you’ll end up stuck in the air with no way down. Embrace balance by nurturing yourself, too. It’s not selfish; it’s essential.
What is making you feel unbalanced? Again, if your activities aren’t aligning with your priorities, you can feel unbalanced simply because you don’t know what’s missing.
Embracing the Boundaries Revolution:
Embracing this change doesn’t happen overnight, and that’s okay. Be patient with yourself and celebrate each small step you take. You may need a coach or an accountability partner to help you change this mindset and focus on your personal goals. (If you feel you need some help with this, I’ll be hosting my goal setting workshop again on Aug 1st. It’s just a 30 minute webinar and it will get you started right!)
Start by saying “no” to things that drain you and “yes” to activities that light you up. You may need to have a conversation with your immediate family so that they understand your motivation and don’t feel slighted. Find a coach or accountability partner if you don’t know how to start the conversation. It’s not about being a “no woman” or a “yes woman.” It’s about being an empowered woman who knows her worth, values her time, and lives life on her terms.
Embrace the word “no” like a magic spell that sets you free. Reclaim your time, your energy, and your life! You’ve got this, and I’m cheering you on every step of the way. Here’s to finding balance, nurturing ourselves, and living life as the incredible superheroes we are—boundaries and all!
So, here’s my guide to embracing “no” and reclaiming your time:
- Set your priorities: WRITE them down!
- Start small: Practice saying “no” to little things and build up from there.
- Be kind but firm: You don’t owe anyone a ten-page explanation; a simple “I can’t do it right now” will suffice.
- Prioritize yourself: Remember that taking care of yourself is not selfish—it’s necessary for your well-being.
- Surround yourself with supportive people: Those who truly care about you will understand and respect your boundaries.
- Make room for joy: Let go of things that drain you and create space for the things that bring you joy.
Trust me, embracing boundaries is like a superpower. You’ll feel more in control, happier, and less stressed. So, go forth and unleash the power of “no”! Your time and happiness are worth it!
