Sometimes we can feel stuck while working on a personal inventory. What to do??
Shame
Often when we uncover something we don’t like about ourselves, we can feel shameful about past behaviors or relationships. This is not unusual – but this is where shame can become unhelpful! Guilt tends to bring us to take action or make change – shame tends to make us want to retreat. That’s why you get stuck. If you can take a more objective look at these behaviors – without judgement – it’s easier to come up with solutions. And shame is an indication that you SHOULD be working through this process with someone impartial (like a coach!) who can be more objective.
Resentments
Sometimes we realize we are blaming someone else for our situation or problems. If we blame someone else, we don’t need to make any change because it’s all their fault! THEY are the ones who need to change.
In this case, we need to remember that we can not control what others do. We can only make changes in ourselves. Again, an objective third party can help you realize what is at the root of your resentments and then help you reframe your thoughts. You may need help in setting a boundary.
Conflict
When we start working on ourselves, it can disrupt relationships where we may feel we’ve come to a peaceful place. People we love don’t always like the changes and don’t like to bring up old wounds. You may feel you don’t want to disturb the current peace.
Remember that this is YOUR journey. Uncovering old hurts, trauma, behaviors is work for YOU. It doesn’t mean it’s time to go and throw this information into someone else’s world! At some point, you may feel you need to face someone or something, but step 4 is just about uncovering these things so that they are not hiding from YOU.
And a good coach will help you remember this. And journaling can help you keep your thoughts straight and keep them private so that you can work on yourself before sharing anything with people you love.
There is a next step!
Step 5 involves revealing all you’ve learned to another human, but that doesn’t mean you have to do a complete step 4 and then do a complete step 5. You can do a step 5 every time you uncover something. Go back and forth between 4 and 5.
