Yesterday in a homily, my priest mentioned how calm Jesus was facing His betrayer at the Last Supper. Knowing that someone who had travelled and learned and served with Him would turn Him over to be brutalized and murdered – He was able to remain calm, accept this reality, and continue with His ministry.
Yes, He was divine and incapable of sin, but He was also human and capable of emotion including hurt, sadness, anger – all of which come out of betrayal. After hearing this homily, I couldn’t help but think about a betrayal I experienced. I did not react with calm and forgiveness. I wanted to control the situation and reacted with anger. Hurt and tears followed. I was fighting my own emotions in trying to move on, when really I needed to sit with the feelings, journal them out, consider my options – reacting out of anger only brought later regret and continued the pain much longer than I would have wanted! My betrayer was taking up too much head space and I ended up hurting others.
I would love to say that I’ve grown so much that this will never happen again. But I know I’m human and I know strong emotions can take hold of my actions if I don’t sit with them. Coaching has enabled me to consider the thoughts in my head that are causing those strong emotions. It’s not the betrayal itself, but what the betrayal causes me to think about myself: I’m a failure, I’m too weak for this line of work, I didn’t cover all my bases, I’m not loved. These are seriously painful thoughts, but when I journal bout them and look deeper, I can find evidence to the contrary.
In my case, this betrayal was work related and not within my family or friend circle. (Although as a Realtor, my clients feel like and often are friends!) If I was having to face my betrayer daily or even frequently, this process can be more intense. Do you have a “difficult” relationship in your life? Have you felt someone has betrayed you or taken something from you? Life coaching really can help – often having a third party walk you through the pain and the thought process can help heal but also help you move forward in that relationship. I’d love to help.
