Making a change is not a matter of will power. It’s not a matter of decision making or even accountability or motivation. It’s really about ALL the things – but you have to start with the inner work.
The inner work is the work of head and heart – understanding your “why” and then being able to come up with a plan. Why am I this way? Why am I doing things I don’t like and don’t want to do? Why do I want to change? What result am I looking for? When I think about that result, how does it affect the rest of my life?
The absolute best way I know to start this kind of work – whether working with a therapist, a coach, or on your own – is journaling. Many people start with a simple gratitude journal – focusing on the positives in your life and the people and things that you bring you joy helps reframe your goals. But at some point, you’ve got to get into your own thoughts and feelings. This morning, I woke up feeling ______ – why do I feel this way? This evening, I’m reflecting on my day and I regret ______ and I’m happy about ______. Why do I feel this way?
When you’ve never journaled before, this can seem like drudgery – like that school assignment for which you have no ideas and you feel stuck. And the best way to the other side is through – just write! It doesn’t have to make sense. It doesn’t need perfect sentence structure or spelling or any of that! Another key is to find some good journaling prompts that get you thinking. Writing those thoughts on paper is part of the work. Don’t skip that part!
And when you get into this routine, then what? A good coach can help you work through your feelings and uncover the sneaky thoughts behind them. Your thoughts are causing those feelings you don’t like. When you don’t like your feelings, you probably aren’t going to like the actions you take…. And then you decide you want to make a change, but those sneaky thoughts keeping you feeling bad or stuck in the same old routines.
Let’s do this work together! Improve that relationship that feels distant. Communicate with your teens or adult children without sounding critical. Feel good about having the whole family over for the holidays without drama. Fix workplace issues. Let go of resentments and feel free. Wherever you feel stuck or overwhelmed, I promise your thoughts are keeping you there.
