Yesterday was the feast day of St. Thomas – we all know him as Doubting Thomas. And I heard a message about needing a doubting saint at different times in our lives. I’ve been mulling that over. Thomas travelled with Jesus, learned at His feet, spread His message with fellow apostles and yet he doubted the Resurrection. And I can’t really fault him! I think I have natural inclination to question what I hear. And especially when things go wrong – really wrong – it’s easy to lose faith.
I don’t think I’ve ever doubted God’s existence – at least not in any purposeful way. Our world is too diverse and yet symbiotic for me to think it’s pure luck. But I HAVE doubted God’s love for me. I’ve had tragic things happen in my lifetime that make me wonder why God would allow them. I’ve had moments and days of angry prayers! And yet, I tend to come back stronger. I am not defined by these moments, but I am shaped by them.
Back to Thomas: he has doubt, he wants proof – even though he has witnessed Jesus’ miracles in person. But what else had he seen? He had just experienced the kind of trauma you don’t wish on anyone. His best friend and teacher had been arrested and publicly tortured and killed. He may be in danger himself for being His follower. Fear had to be coursing through his body as well as pain and grief. And then his friends offered him some hope. Hope is what we all need to keep going and yet it can feel scary when you’ve experienced trauma, pain, grief. We don’t want to get our hopes up and have them dashed again!
And then when Christ appears to Thomas, He is not angry over the disbelief. He does not chastise Thomas. He simply offers Himself again – touch my wounds Thomas – because all He wants is for Thomas to love Him back. And then Thomas says those words that I say at every Eucharistic celebration: “My Lord and My God.” When God reveals His love for us, it is overwhelming – exciting and peaceful at the same time. And it brings the Hope we need to keep going through the pain.
And so yes we need a doubting Saint! We need to know that our doubt doesn’t stop God from loving us. We need to know that unconditional love is exactly that – unconditional.
