What’s the difference?
Although these words have similar meanings and are often used as synonyms for each other, there are some subtle differences. These differences are mostly in how we perceive and react to the actions we’ve taken.
Shame
If we feel we’ve done something wrong and we turn inward, we are likely to fall into shame. Turning inward means we take on not just the blame, but we make it mean that there is something wrong with ourselves. Rather than feeling badly about an action we took, we make it mean that we are inherently bad.
When we fall into a cycle of shame, we often withdraw from whoever we’ve harmed. If we start to feel badly enough about ourselves, we will withdraw from others. We want to hide our faults and our acts and often lead double lives. I think of living in shame as living in darkness – covering up those things we don’t like.
Guilt
Guilt is a more healthy reaction. When we’ve done something wrong and feel badly about it, we recognize that we made a mistake. The mistake does not define who we are! It may still take time to process, but we know that feeling badly about something means that we have a conscience!
We can make amends and seek forgiveness when we’ve done wrong. Guilt is a feeling that drives us to bring our wrongdoing to the light and seek healing instead of hiding in the darkness. We are inherently good with human tendencies to do wrong. But we can always make changes and find the good again.
Emotions/Feelings
Our feelings are not right/wrong or good/bad. They are internal physical reactions to our world. If you don’t like the way you are feeling, examine that! What are the thoughts you are having that are creating those feelings? Don’t buffer them away with distractions and don’t hide them so that they don’t see the light!
