My life has become unmanageable. I am powerless and need to let go of this false sense of control.
This year, I’ve committed to working the steps of Al-Anon again, but with a broader perspective. Step one is admitting powerlessness. I am not only powerless over alcohol, but I’m powerless over the majority of circumstances in my life and over all the people in my life! If my desire is healthy connections, then admitting powerlessness is the first step.
My husband, my adult children, my parents, my siblings, my friends, my clients, and all the people with whom I deal regularly – they are all living their own lives and those lives don’t revolve around me! Hurts become resentments which erode the connection I crave. Letting go of my perceived hurt prevents resentment. The bad decision someone I love is making is THEIR learning experience. I do not have control over any of it.
This doesn’t mean I can’t express my feelings or my desires, but it does mean I have to think about my motives before I do that. Am I trying to control someone or something that is out of my control? To what end? Why am I feeling so strongly? This is the work of figuring out the sneaky thoughts behind my feelings. Journaling plays a big role in this work for me.
Often, I find fear to be at the root of my thoughts. When it comes to alcohol abuse or an adult child moving away, it’s the fear of loss that makes me want to prevent those actions. But when I get in the way of someone else’s decisions, I’m creating a break in the relationship. I’m creating the loss I fear ahead of that person’s actions! It becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy.
(The only exception to this rule would be in the case of physical abuse. If someone’s actions put you in danger, you must create that break to prevent that danger. Staying with an alcoholic who gets physically out of control is as bad as getting in the car with a drunk driver!)
I can recognize my life becoming unmanageable a lot sooner than I used to. If I am obsessively worrying or ruminating, then I need to take a look at why I’m doing that. If my thinking is disrupting work or sleep or relationships, then I need a serious journaling and coaching session! I’ve created routines in my life that keep me balanced (my word for 2024!) so if I start feeling overwhelmed, am I working my program and sticking to my routines?
Have you struggled with control? Is your life feeling unmanageable? If you are struggling with a situation, relationship, or a feeling of overwhelm – coaching can help! Times of major transition in career, home, or family can throw us off balance and that’s what I’m here for. Email, DM, or fill out the inquiry form and we’ll set up a free one-time consult where you can decide if coaching is right for you.
For more, check out my podcast episode: /https://yourlifetransfigured.podbean.com/e/ep-4-step-one-admitting-powerlessness/
