Step 3

Made a decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of God as I understand Him.

Simple, but hard

It sounds so easy to just turn over all your worries and let them go. But it’s a process that doesn’t just happen overnight and it’s really easy to take those worries right back! I spent decades in cycles of worry over my kids, my marriage, other loved ones, my health, the world! These are all good and important things, but my worrying wasn’t helping anyone and was only harming myself and my relationships.

When I was new to the AlAnon program, I went to multiple meetings a week. There was a member at one who frequently mentioned that he does steps 1-3 every morning. I remember wondering why he was still struggling when he’d been in the program for decades – why would anyone need to start over every day? Aren’t we supposed to work through the steps and be healed? I’m here for healing!!

Practice doesn’t make perfect

What I soon realized is that none of us is perfect at navigating life and these steps are not one and done! The people around me are not walking my journey or seeing things in the same way. But I want to be in right relationship with them regardless. The steps are constant tools that can guide us through any issue – but I have to have an open mind and heart and recognize my part. Maybe I’m not meant to fix this particular problem! That was an eye opener….

You can work a program, work the steps and make big changes in your life. It’s a beautiful thing! But the program only works if you keep working the program.

Other issues have come up in my life and when I stop practicing my program, remembering Who is in control, I will quickly wind up back in a spiral of worry and stress and overwhelm. Working steps 1, 2, and 3 every morning is about reminding myself that I have no control over circumstances and other people. There is a Higher Power that is looking out for me, and I need to turn over those circumstances and people to that power. When I don’t make a regular PRACTICE of silent prayer and meditation including surrender, it is very easy for me to pick up my old habits of control, worry and stress.

Overcoming addiction?

So if I’m not an alcoholic, why do I need to follow these steps? We ALL have addictions whether we recognize them or not. I was addicted to stress and worry. I had created a cocktail of emotions and thoughts that kept me in the worry loop. The very idea that my stress was noble and would solve problems is laughable to me now, but at the time I had a serious martyr complex making sure others would see how much I sacrificed for them.

The first three steps created for me a release of so many emotions – and I didn’t really know what to do with all those feelings! And that’s why having a support system is so important. At that time, my group and my sponsor in AlAnon were support systems. But there have been times I needed more. Immersing myself in AlAnon literature, attending meetings to hear the experience and hope of others, and creating a regular schedule for silence in my day (and throughout my day) all gave me time to learn and to implement, and ultimately to change. But there are times when I needed more – and coaching filled that need.

If you are struggling with an addiction, relationships, transition, negative thinking – coaching helps! The same way that I had an AlAnon sponsor guiding me through the steps, a coach can guide you through the process of healing. It’s what I feel called to do – helping others who are struggling the same way I did.